I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
