I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
