sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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