that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
