i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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