he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
