I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
