so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
