I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am available for nakedness
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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