She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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