I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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