If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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