he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
