Don't you send me to vm
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
