I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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