Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
