I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
