i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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