New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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