I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
