Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
