I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
