Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
