There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
