dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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