arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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