dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
