Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
