508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
