Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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