I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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