i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
