we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize