Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
