I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
