remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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