Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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