She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
