Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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