YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
