Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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