i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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