and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
