About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
