I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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