if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
