we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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