It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
