Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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