still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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