he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
