Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
