when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
