i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize