i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
