i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
