I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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