In America we eat man semen.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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