if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
