My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
