my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You're like the curious george of whores
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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