I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
