On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I did not marry a roomba.
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