party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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