I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
