Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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