can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
