shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
