But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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