I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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