Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
