My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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