Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
