is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize