Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
