Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
